“The Answer Is Never To Love Less” : the story behind the life mantra. 

It was a sign. No, really. It was an actual sign, well – a billboard technically. It was on eastbound I-69 between Lansing and Flint. The billboard simply read “The Answer is Never to Love Less”. It was December 19 of 2014, and I was already ugly crying my way home from my best friend’s house. I was on my way to a family Christmas Party / Birthday party for my Granny. I had stayed the night at my friend’s house, at her request. 

You see, her husband and high school sweetheart (which also made him another bff to both me and “the man”) fought addiction. He lost. 

I have a lot of ideas on how to fight the addiction cycle and how to stop the opioid epidemic, but that’s not at all what this post is about. 

I remember just two days before getting a phone call that changed my life. He had passed away. I remember tucking myself tightly into a ball with my back against the wall and just shaking. It couldn’t be real. But it was. Very very real. 

Having absolutely no idea what she was going through, I just reached out (sobbing) to her and reminded her I loved her and told her to tell me what she needed. When she told me she didn’t want to be alone that night, I hopped on the expressway as fast as I could. Even if I could provide a small distraction, that seemed like it would help. I definitely didn’t know what to say or do…but this is my best friend and I was certain I’d be forgiven if I happened to “say the wrong thing”. 

So on the way home the next day, this sign hit me like a Mack Truck. 

“The Answer is Never to Love Less”

It echoed so loudly in my head that I had to pull the mini-van over to the side of the road. 

This next part is RAW, and definitely not something I’m proud of…but this blog is about being honest and real and leaving my comfort zone. 

I had been listening to lies that society tells us about marriage for a few months leading up to this.  I had decided for myself that “the man” didn’t care for me, or even love me.  I judged him for everything. I assumed he had bad intentions with every interaction we had. All of them. You can imagine the drama I created out of nothing. For MONTHS.  Definitely not proud of this. 

But, when I saw that sign — I decided  I was the lucky one. He was still alive and right there. He had always been right there. Always. Waiting (as patiently as he could) for me to get over my damn self!  I have so much mad respect for “the man”. You have no idea. So, that day I decided this billboard would become my new life mantra. And I would do my best to love the shit out of everyone in my life. I have definitely failed many times — but this remains the goal for me in all of my relationships. It has changed my perspective on life, and also changed me more than I ever could have imagined. One billboard. 

Except (plot twist)…..there was never actually a billboard.  We drove back to Lansing the next day for the visitation and on the way back I was looking for the sign. I knew exactly where I was when I saw it. Except, it wasn’t there. There WAS a billboard – of a McDonalds coke that looked like it had been there for some time. But MY sign, didn’t exist. 

You can make of this what you will, but I know how I felt that day – and I know how dramatically my life has changed because of it. You may think I’m crazy now, and you’re probably right. But, I KNOW the answer to ANY PROBLEM is never to love less. It’s always to love more. Always. 

And I was lucky again, because “the man” is a great guy and my eyes were finally opened to that again. And I’m the luckiest wife in the world. Sorry, not sorry. It’s not mushy it’s fact. 

Hug your spouse or significant other tight. Hold your kids tight, hold your friends tight. Love the people in your life MORE. 

As I sit here in my hotel room in Kansas City, while my husband is a single dad (with Those Johnson Girls) at home…I KNOW how amazingly lucky I am. I’m wishing I could hold them tight right now.  Instead, I’m afforded the luxury of attending the best professional development in the world, meeting new people, seeing my friends from all over the country, eating amazing BBQ and so many other opportunities. Because HE loves me. I have so much respect for this man. He has no idea how much. I plan to let him know more regularly. 
I challenge you : if you read this far, the next problem that frustrates you, try my solution. Try loving MORE when that’s the last thing you want to do. And then, call me and tell me what happened next.